I haven't gotten laid in what seems like a few years. Yeah, i'm pretty surprised, too. what's the deal? Sure, i'm grumpy and a little broken-out; that's not all the time. Ok, so my car is about fifteen years old and completely busted and filthy; i spend my money on other, more important things (like cee dees and lonely take out dinners). You can smell the desperation a mile away. Big deal. That's not necessarily a turn-off, is it? So i have few flaws. Believe it or not, i also have a lot to offer...
I've got the latest issue of Tape-Op magazine here, for example. That's right—not just a mere music magazine but a fascinating look at things such as how to build your own microphones and what makes a great pre-amp sound so good. That's pretty interesting, isn't it? I also have plenty of neck hair. It's coming up on winter, you know. Guess who won't have a cold neck when it starts snowing. Come to think of it, i have hair basically everywhere it isn't traditionally desirable to have hair. Yeah, i'm pretty unique. What else? Oh yeah! I've got a cute kitty cat. How about that? He's great. He's my buddy. But i wonder: Why is he the only pussy in my life?
Seriously, though—i think this calls for me to do something that is way overdue: i need to start paying for porn. Although i've made it this far without dropping a dime on smut, it's unfortunately a case of desperate times/measures. Problem is, i've completely lost track of what's good. I mean, what are the kids buying these days? Should i start downloading or buy some dvds? Is there a way to edit out the anal sex scenes in those things?
Well, i've got some googling to do, my friends. I'll leave you with one last thing—a little something for the ladies out there who don't know what they're missing. just something to think about. (repeatedly, on a daily basis, until you come to your senses)
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