Beard Discussion

Instant Messenger conversation 01/05 (excerpt):

glueslabs (1:07:12 AM): i shaved my beard. you'll have to see it before i grow it back!
glueslabs (1:07:39 AM): my shaven face, i mean
[some girl] (1:07:57 AM): yikes
[some girl] (1:08:00 AM): !!!!
glueslabs (1:08:09 AM): yikes, what?
[some girl] (1:08:09 AM): why did you do that?
[some girl] (1:08:19 AM): im so used to you with the beard now!
[some girl] (1:08:35 AM): i mean when we were "dating" i was totally anti-beard
glueslabs (1:08:44 AM): i was tired of it and i thought i'd try something new. EXCUSE ME
[some girl] (1:08:48 AM): hahah
[some girl] (1:08:50 AM): thats good
[some girl] (1:08:55 AM): so how is that working out for ya
glueslabs (1:09:12 AM): i don't like it :-(
glueslabs (1:09:24 AM): it's beard season!
[some girl] (1:09:27 AM): yeah im not surprised
[some girl] (1:09:37 AM): i know all three of my roommates have huge beards
[some girl] (1:09:47 AM): because of "the winter"
glueslabs (1:09:55 AM): hell yeah
[some girl] (1:10:01 AM): i don't get it, but im a chick
glueslabs (1:10:16 AM): it's ok. just know that winter=beard season
[some girl] (1:10:22 AM): apparently
[some girl] (1:10:35 AM): i'll be warmer if i grow this huge disgusting beard?
glueslabs (1:10:52 AM): haha
[some girl] (1:10:55 AM): you don't see me growing my armpit and leg hair out to keep the heat
glueslabs (1:10:57 AM): it does add warmth
[some girl] (1:11:06 AM): so im told, so im told
glueslabs (1:11:08 AM): well, who knows. maybe you are
glueslabs (1:11:14 AM): we're not close like that anymore
[some girl] (1:11:15 AM): no way dude
[some girl] (1:11:24 AM): im anti-body hair
[some girl] (1:11:29 AM): in all forms
glueslabs (1:11:49 AM): uh huh
[some girl] (1:12:00 AM): well for myself
glueslabs (1:12:10 AM): whatever
[some girl] (1:12:23 AM): hahah
glueslabs (1:12:24 AM): you've offended me enough already
[some girl] (1:12:30 AM): huh?!?!?!
glueslabs (1:12:31 AM): begone with you!
[some girl] (1:12:33 AM): what?!?!?!
[some girl] (1:12:40 AM): im so non-offensive!!!
glueslabs (1:12:43 AM): uh...hello?!
glueslabs (1:12:49 AM): <----beard
[some girl] (1:12:50 AM): HI!
[some girl] (1:12:54 AM): yeah thats true
glueslabs (1:12:57 AM): <-----lots of body hair
[some girl] (1:13:05 AM): you were always an exception to the rule though!
glueslabs (1:13:10 AM): pffft
glueslabs (1:13:15 AM): try and cover
[some girl] (1:13:17 AM): don't pffft me!
glueslabs (1:13:41 AM): the old bait an switch
[some girl] (1:13:47 AM): hahahhahahah
[some girl] (1:14:15 AM): see jeffrey, my dear, with you i looked beyond the facial hair
glueslabs (1:14:24 AM): ohhhhhh
[some girl] (1:14:26 AM): i was like "well if it makes him happy"
glueslabs (1:14:27 AM): well, thank you!
[some girl] (1:14:32 AM): no problem!
glueslabs (1:14:38 AM): so gracious of you, my dear
[some girl] (1:14:43 AM): i know!
[some girl] (1:14:46 AM): im a real gem
glueslabs (1:15:08 AM): yep...a real keeper
[some girl] (1:15:14 AM): obviously!
[some girl] (1:16:13 AM): either way, it would vbe weird at this point to see you beard-less
[some girl] (1:16:26 AM): nice typing [some girl]
glueslabs (1:16:37 AM): anyway, i never had a grisley adams type beard. i kept it fairly well-groomed, thank you very much
[some girl] (1:16:44 AM): this is true
[some girl] (1:17:05 AM): it definitely worked for you
glueslabs (1:17:33 AM): ha
glueslabs (1:17:37 AM): nice cover-up
[some girl] (1:17:41 AM): no it did!
[some girl] (1:17:48 AM): im not lying or covering up!
glueslabs (1:17:51 AM): ....
[some girl] (1:17:58 AM): ..... right back atcha
glueslabs (1:18:02 AM): ;-)
glueslabs (1:18:31 AM): i'm cocking my hand like a gun and giving that chk-chk sound
glueslabs (1:18:40 AM): just so you know
glueslabs (1:19:11 AM): BEARDHATER
[some girl] (1:19:46 AM): hahahha
[some girl] (1:19:54 AM): i don't HATE beards
[some girl] (1:20:14 AM): i just think, in general, that boys look better without beards
[some girl] (1:20:18 AM): BUT
[some girl] (1:20:30 AM): it suits you
glueslabs (1:23:00 AM): go to bed!
[some girl] (1:23:01 AM): i know
[some girl] (1:23:09 AM): hmph!
[some girl] (1:23:13 AM): fine!
glueslabs (1:23:18 AM): you need your beauty rest. har har
[some girl] (1:23:19 AM): ill go to bed!
[some girl] (1:23:26 AM): yeah right
[some girl] (1:23:35 AM): my "beauty rest"
[some girl] (1:23:59 AM): = "my time to pass out and look like shit in the morning"
glueslabs (1:24:12 AM): just don't scare those toddlers
[some girl] (1:24:16 AM): no way
[some girl] (1:24:25 AM): the toddlers love me!!!
glueslabs (1:25:18 AM): uh huh
glueslabs (1:25:26 AM): i'll buy that
[some girl] (1:25:33 AM): for real, they totally do!
glueslabs (1:26:35 AM): i know.
[some girl] (1:27:21 AM): thanks dear!
[some girl] (1:27:31 AM): ok i should go to bed
[some girl] (1:27:34 AM): and you should call me
glueslabs (1:27:40 AM): ok
[some girl] (1:27:43 AM): GOOD
glueslabs (1:27:43 AM): maybe i will
[some girl] (1:27:47 AM): MAYBE?!?!?!?
glueslabs (1:27:49 AM): good night
glueslabs (1:27:51 AM): sleep tight
[some girl] (1:27:56 AM): what the fuck is that all about?!!??!?!
glueslabs (1:28:03 AM): what?
[some girl] (1:28:29 AM): oh im just giving you shit for the "maybe i will" comment
glueslabs (1:28:41 AM): well, i have to check with my beard first
[some girl] (1:28:45 AM): OH I SEE
glueslabs (1:28:57 AM): maybe my beard doesn't like YOU

Note to Self

Stop caring about politics. You didn't give a shit for 25 years——why start now? Worrying about something so utterly rigged and phony will do about as much good as a pile of baby mice on your pillow.

Four-twenty, duuuude!


Stop sharing your opinions so damn willingly. In fact, don't tell anyone anything. Oh wait——do you like feeling embarrassed? Go ahead then; tell strange women on the Internet anything that comes to mind. It won't turn out horribly, I promise. [Haha]

No one cares that you're sensitive. It comes off as neither deep nor interesting; it only makes you look like a pussy. Just remember: Wearing your heart on your sleeve is as effeminate as it sounds.

Never buy hot dog buns at Whole Foods again. Just because you're eating a tofu dog doesn't mean the entire package has to taste like crap.

Grow the fuck up, would you please? You've been coming-of-age for like two decades now. You're not Holden Caulfield, so please stop pretending to reject adulthood before you end up like Seymour Glass.

You think you're turning Japanese?!

You're not different. For everything you enjoy——the music, the movies, the books, the art——there's someone who enjoys it on a much deeper level than you. Ever heard of the Internet? Everyone knows about everything.

Honesty? Honesty is boring. Stop being boring. Ok?

And grow as many beards as you'd like; you're still never going to make up for the fact that you're going bald and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. You never had good hair anyway, so who gives a fuck? Oh yeah, and there are women who like bald men. They just love 'em. And they live in a magical land filled with unicorns and puppy dogs that never grow old.

Let the adventure begin.