Sno-Ball's Chance

I go through the same thing every year. As the weather gets warmer, and the swampy DC summer rears its ugly armpit, my thoughts turn to a favorite childhood treat I once enjoyed while staying at my grandmother's house in suburban Baltimore.

The idea is simple: a cup of finely-shaved ice coated in a flavored syrup. It's slushier than a snow cone and thicker than a Slurpee. You can't drink it through a straw; it must be eaten with a spoon. They call them sno-balls. They come in many different flavors, from the standard fruit flavors (grape, cherry, lime, etc.) to more creative/weird varieties (e.g. wedding cake, bubblegum)——all of them artificial, of course. There are also usually toppings like marshmallow cream and chocolate syrup. Are sno-balls healthy? Not very, no. Do I think they're delicious? Yessiree! In fact, they're so damn tasty some people are prepared to kill for them.

The problem with sno-balls, aside from having to choose which of the dozens of flavors to get, is that they don't seem to exist outside of certain parts of Maryland. In the suburbs of Baltimore, for example, you'll find them in roadside shacks set up for the summer. [The one I remember was in a corner of the parking lot of the A&P just outside my grandmother's neighborhood in Woodlawn.] My coworker, who lives in Annapolis, says they have sno-ball stands everywhere up there. Sadly, DC and Virginia have none. I'm not sure about Delaware.

Anytime I speak to a friend who happens to be unemployed during the Summer months, I recommend opening a sno-ball stand in downtown DC. The permits might be a bitch, and it would certainly take a little bit of cash to get started (I hear the ice machines they use go for around $2k), but the first enterprising individual to open a stand would likely make quite a bit of money once word got around. Actually, I think that person would make a killing. Unfortunately, I don't see this happening anytime soon.

There is a bit of hope. Although I haven't yet confirmed it, I hear there are true sno-balls available at a corner market at 14th and W in DC. You can bet that I will soon investigate. In the meantime, if anyone from Baltimore can point me to a good sno-ball stand (maybe somewhere in Hampden?), I would appreciate it. Even in the city of Baltimore, they're hard to find for out-of-towner. Don't bother suggesting that thing in Fells Point, either. Those aren't sno-balls.

Further Reading:
About Sno-Balls
Baltimore Area Sno-Ball stands