flying, fading, and fleeting

last night, 4AM: i was standing outside smoking one last cigarette before going to bed when i heard them coming. what first sounded like a group of likeminded drunks, hooting and yelping on their way home from a successful night of pounding beers and breathing down girls' shirts, turned out to be a flock of geese flying south for the winter. there were still clouds overhead from the rain earlier in the night which were just then breaking up and moving northeasterly in the wind. the squawking grew louder and i looked into the clouds hoping the birds would come into view. they soon passed overhead in that familiar inverted V shape. it was amazing and beautiful to watch and made me very happy. i stood on the steps for a short time after they had disappeared, but the warm feeling slowly faded with the sound of the geese carrying on to the south.

i think i need to watch this again.

photos, photos, photos...

so i've been resizing photos and listening to records all night (i.e. dungen, decemberists, and slowdive—in that order). and chatting with leigh for a bit. oh, and i smoked a few cigarettes...took a leak here and there (nine times out of ten it was in the toilet, i promise), but mostly it was these fuckin' p h o t o s.

that's right, guys: the first section of photos is up, as you will see if you click the 'photos' link at the top there. yes, it now does something. take a look and i hope you like 'em—there are plenty more to come.

only one more day to go before my thanksgiving vacation. i'm really looking forward to not being at work. these three-day work weeks should be fucking standard, dude. seriously. i'm also excited to see a few folks who are visiting for the holiday. i hope to break this spell of social isolation i've been under, for one thing.

screw. another late night. you see what goes into building a rinky-dink website right before your eyes? ah, i do it because i love me.

xo

I Can't Think of Anything Clever

today was another boring day at work just like any other, filled with all the mundanity and time-killing to which i've grown so accustomed lately—until my ride home on the metro. it was then, as i stared out the darkened window at the cables and the purple lights and the other shit out in the tunnel rushing by, that i realized how alone i really am.

now it's hard to write about this without coming off as melodramatic, so please bear with me....

it was not so much that i looked around and suddenly realized oh, i am alone, but more that i was struck with an overwhelming sense of detachment. this feeling is nothing new for me; it comes and goes from time to time, here and there, now and then, etc. etc., but not usually so abruptly. no, this was like a punch in the stomach or an electric shock or something. this was powerful.

and so i made the rest of my way home with this feeling moving steadily from my gut up to my throat. i was basically on the verge of tears. ha! luckily, i made it home without breaking down in public, but jesus. you know? (no, you probably don't)

anyway, i've been thinking about it tonight, you know, where this is coming from and possibly what's got me down at this particular moment in time and i realized something else: i have no love in my life. none. i don't just mean romantic love—i mean at all. i'm not even close with my family. i've pushed most of my friends away and i barely speak to anyone i don't have to these days. there's just a lot of emptiness.

well, fuck. i have to wrap it up. it's late and i need some sleep. i'll have to pick this up again later (yes, i know you're dying to hear about it). here's to better days, right?

A Geek of Many Colors

despite the rain and getting a late start, the aforementioned balitmore trip was a success*. atomic books didn't have a few of the books i was looking for (they'd just sold out of the art of modern rock, for example), but i made out ok. sound garden wasn't bad, either. [see below for the booty]

finally saw Mean Girls (via netflix) last light. it wasn't bad for a dumb teen movie, i guess, but it lacked the nudity that could have made it great. i mean, did we not learn anything from Porky's? we were going to watch Before Sunset, but travis fell asleep almost immediately after getting home, so i decided to save it for some other time.

i intend to start work on the photos section today and hopefully have at least a little something up soon. i found some good code earlier this week, which should help in building the galleries.

i'll have to watch the time if i want to get anything done. i've been playing gamecube again recently. thanks to leslie, i got back into Zelda: The Wind Waker and have been progressing quite nicely. which is good, because i told myself i can't buy any new games before i finish more of the ones i have. until i do, there won't be any of this or this.

*Success, as in successfully spending too much $$$.

books
Chris Ware: Monographics
Adrian Tomine: Scrapbook - Uncollected Work: 1990-2004
Jon Stewart, et al: America (The Book)
Chunklet #15

records
Aloha: Here Comes Everyone
The Arcade Fire: Funeral
Neko Case: The Tigers Have Spoken
The Cure: Boys Don't Cry*
Cyann & Ben: Happy Like an Autumn Tree
Electrelane: The Power Out*
Little Wings: Light Green Leaves
Lush: Spooky*
Tarentel: We Move Through Weather*

Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Vol. 3 DVD

* = bonus used find

Things to Hold and Fondle

it looks like travis and i will be visiting baltimore today to do some record shopping. i have a few things on my list for purchase. unfortunately, there's nothing good going on at the ottobar. ah, but i might try to hit atomic books. there's this pixel art book i've been wanting to pick up and now this.

let's hope i can keep it under control.

Ian So-and-So or Nigel Somebody

on my way into work this morning i was reading this article in the paper about the clinton library dedication and, looking at the accompanying photo, was struck by this incontrovertible fact: chelsea clinton is hot!
i obviously haven't been paying attention. last time i checked she looked awkward as hell, you know, with that big horse mouth and all. but boy have these last few years been kind to her...shazzam!

that she lives in new york makes the idea of moving there that much more attractive. unfortunately, plans of doing so by the end of next summer are currently in limbo. travis, my longtime friend and current housemate, has yet to decide whether to move back to norfolk in january. if he decides to stay here, then chances are that we will move to brooklyn next year. if not, then it's back to not knowing what the hell i'm going to do.

i do know i'd like to get the fuck out of here.

the weekend is here at last. it's supposed to rain. i have no plans. a few new movies arrived from netflix; that's certainly a pathetic highlight. speaking of...

i'm off to get some yuppie “pan asian” food now.

all the fixin's

it seems that i need coffee in order to get just about anything done around here. if i don't have at least 3 cups at werk in the morning, i'm about as with-it as a drunk monkey on vacation. even on the weekend, after sleeping in 'til noon, i have a few to get me going. if it's time to do something creative, it's friday night, when i check my email, when i read the paper, or when i have a long drive ahead of me, i drink coffee. what a friggin' habit.

that's me, though...always out for a fix, moving from one artificial stimulus to the next. my life is one big collection of these contrived relationships of need and satisfaction. sounds like addiction, doesn't it? well it's not, fucker!

[no, really; the things i'm addicted to are all socially acceptable: caffeine, nicotine, apple cider, the Internet, vagina, punctuation, and—of course—fun.]

say, i just realized my phone hasn't rung (rang? ringed?) for like 5 days. i haven't gotten laid in a while, either. haha! man—what a happening guy, huh? i can't be stopped. i think it's time to start drinking heavily.

nothing always happens

i've found myself getting rid of things lately. i'm usually too busy adding stuff in one way or another to ever think of cutting back. but recently, i've shed several things nearly at once. for example: my online journal, my beard (of almost a year...), maybe even a few friendships. or take sunday—a night on which, struck with a worthy case of food poisoning, i puked more than i have in many years. [it lasted at least an hour and was insane: dry heaves, bile...other fun stuff.] anyway, each of varying consequence, these things all resulted in some kind of change—for better or worse.

well, i decided to balance it out a little by adding a little something back. and with the deletion of my el jay of three years, what better than to create something even more self-indulgent and socially retarded? welcome to my website. it's taken me over a year and 1/2.

it's not much to look at yet and there's not much to see, but that will change too. and yes, change is good, isn't it?